This morning I woke up to the sound of my mother screaming hysterically, and shouting obscenities. Looking out the window, I saw my younger sister stroking the corpse of her pet horse, hanging piteously from the barn gate. In the night I suppose his head was somehow wedged between the gate, and he couldn’t escape. His neck was broken when he struggled and slipped. The whole day was very unpleasant of course, with my mother blaming my father like a child blames her parents, my sisters crying horrendously, and myself playing the sympathizer-carrying the stability in tribulation that my mother lacks. What I really don’t understand about my family in this situation, is their decision to feed the horse to the carnivores at Wildlife Safari. This horse was my sisters’ companion. You do not feed your dead companions to animals in a zoo. I took a very long walk today, and thought about my family. I looked at each person; at what they are, and who they are. It is brought to my attention constantly that my opinion is not respected or wanted by any of them, and that I bring no happiness nor positive feeling to the whole being of the household. They do not understand that I spend so much time away from them because I do not feel at home. I have mentioned this to my parents, and the fact that they have taken me into their home, (when I could have been cycled through foster homes), is shoved into my face. They do not want to hear what I have to say, and I can understand this. My ideas and ethics are obscure and irrational to them. Ack.. I have the urge to quote Le Marquis De Sade: “My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others!”



Anyway.



I think I have gone off on enough of a tangent.
Dead horses to generic family issues.




I think I will eat an oatmeal cookie now.